Positive Adoption Language

I was never one that was real uptight about others speaking Politically Correct (PC). Although I didn't make a habit of using words to purposely hurt or discriminate against others.

However, since crossing over into the adoption world, I realize how harmful words can be. Even ones that are well meant or spoken very innocently can cause hurt toward my family or more importantly our son/daughter.

So now I find myself advocating what is known as "Positive Adoption Language". For example:

Instead of using : ---------------Use this:
Real parent ---------------------Birthparent
Natural parent -----------------Biological parent
Own child ----------------------My child/biological child/birthchild
Foreign child -------------------Child from abroad/international
Adoptive parent ----------------Parent
Give up ------------------------Make an adoption plan
Foreign Adoption ---------------Internation adoption

If someone asks: Do you have any children of your own? And our child overhears the conversation, I don't want our child to think that because he/she was adopted that "he/she is not ours". It is just a matter of thinking of what the words mean to everyone. . . especially little ones. :)

Beauty for Ashes

Today is a "snow day" for the school where I am a teacher. My day off has allowed for some valuable time of reflection and reading adoption materials. In my reading, I came across a devotional created by Shaohannah's Hope entitled "Beauty for Ashes" by Kerry Hasenbalg. Her scripture was Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me. . . He has sent me to bind up the
brokenhearted. . . to give them beauty for ashes. . .
that He might be glorified.

In Kerry's devotional she writes about how the word "ashes" in the Bible is used to represent pain, sorrow, and death. She elaborates further:

"The Word tells us that Jesus Christ was sent to replace these ashes with beauty, and through working in the area of adoption, I have witnessed literally hundreds of lives completely transformed in this way. Where once were found lives mired in the ashes of miscarriage, infertility, and the death of children, there now can be found through the miracle of adoption the beauty and blessing of children. Where once we saw children's lives devastated by abuse, abandonment, and the death of parents, now we find happy children blessed with loving parents. In adoption the fearful become beloved, the scorned become adored, the nameless become cherished, the lonely become the laughing, and death becomes life abundant. In adoption ministry we can clearly see God taking ashes from here and ashes from there and making something truly beautiful from them."

And the Scripture which stood out to me today in a whole new way since traveling this road of "adoption" is Isaiah 43:19 which says:

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Thank you, Lord, for this word from you! Amen! May it be so.

Adoption Poem

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two pairs of parents

Who never knew each other

One pair you do not remember

The other you call Father and Mother

Four different lives shaped to make you one

Two became your guiding star,

Two became your sun

The first pair gave you life,

And the second pair taught you to live it

The first pair gave you a need for love

The second pair was there to give it

One pair gave you a nationality

The other pair gave you a name

One pair gave you a talent

The other pair gave you an aim

One pair gave you emotions

The other pair calmed your fears

One pair saw your first sweet smile

The other pair dried your tears

One pair sought for you a home that they could not provide

The other pair prayed for a child and their hope was not denied

And now you ask us through your tears

The age old question, unanswered through the years

Heredity or environment?

Which are you a product of?

Neither, our child, neither

Just two different kinds of love

The Road to Adoption

Eric and I spoke of our desire to adopt before we were married. We didn't know when or how it would play out in our family at the time. Adopt first or have birth children first? We didn't know. We only knew that we wanted a culturally diverse family.

After a year of trying to conceive and two miscarriages (one blighted ovum), we decided that adoption "first" was our path to take. Eric did some Internet investigating into agencies and countries. We settled on the country of Ethiopia for a variety of reasons.
1. There is a need.
2. They are a beautiful people.
3. They have a rich history.
4. They were "open" to adoption.
5. God lead us there. (Most important!!)

We began the process by attending an information meeting at Bethany Christian Services in Lancaster (June 10, 2008). We felt very confident in their professionalism and expertise. So we took the dive. . .

• First we completed the on-line informal application. (June 12, 2008)
• Then we began the formal application. (June 12, 2008)
• We began our homestudy. (June 25, 2008)
• Second homestudy meeting with individual and joint interviews. (July 16, 2008)
• We read Raising Adopted Children, The Post-Adoption Blues, and Cross-Cultural Adoptions and completed lots of paperwork. We had appointments for fingerprinting and physicals. We had our wills written. We bought into life insurance.
• Third and final homestudy: home visit. (August 13, 2008)
• Homestudy completed and approved. (October 31, 2008)
• Attended Internation Parenting Seminar all-day classes (November 10, 2008)
• Dossier completed and sent to headquarters. (December 16, 2008)
• Dossier sent to D.C. for authentication. (January 9, 2009)
• Dossier sent to Ethiopia. (January 23, 2009)